Caroline Goldsmith | ATC Ireland Psychologist: Parenting Through Self-Doubt—What to Say and Do

Caroline Goldsmith | ATC Ireland Psychologist: Parenting Through Self-Doubt—What to Say and Do

Blog Article

Every child faces challenges—whether it's failing a test, struggling to make friends, missing out on a team, or simply having a bad day. But how children interpret those moments can shape their self-esteem for years to come. For some, setbacks are temporary and manageable. For others, they become a source of deep self-doubt, avoidance, and anxiety.

Caroline Goldsmith, Clinical Psychologist at ATC Ireland, believes these moments are crucial opportunities to build emotional resilience. With more than 20 years of experience helping children navigate difficult emotions, she has developed powerful strategies for turning setbacks into stepping stones. “The goal isn't to protect children from ever feeling disappointed,” she explains, “it's to help them recover and rise.”

The Lasting Impact of Early Setbacks

Setbacks are part of every childhood—yet not every child bounces back in the same way. For some, failure sparks growth and learning. For others, it reinforces negative beliefs like “I'm not good enough,” “I always mess things up,” or “I'll never get this right.”

These beliefs can take root quickly and impact a child's motivation, mood, social confidence, and academic engagement. Caroline Goldsmith stresses that how adults respond in these key moments can make all the difference.

“It's not just about what happens to children,” she says. “It's about what they believe it means about who they are.”

Reframing Failure: A Critical Life Skill

One of the most powerful tools Caroline teaches is cognitive reframing—helping children look at setbacks in a new light. Instead of focusing on the outcome, she encourages adults to emphasize:

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  Effort over results: “You worked so hard on that. What did you learn?”

  
  


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  Progress over perfection: “You're getting better every time you try.”

  
  


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  Curiosity over criticism: “What might you do differently next time?”

  
  

By shifting the conversation from shame to growth, children begin to see mistakes not as proof of failure, but as evidence that they're learning and developing new skills.

Building a Confident Inner Voice

Children absorb the language they hear around them—and internalize it. Over time, this becomes their inner dialogue. Caroline Goldsmith encourages parents and teachers to model supportive self-talk and help children develop their own affirming voice.

Try replacing:

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  “I can't do this.” → “I can't do this yet.”

  
  


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  “I'm stupid.” → “This is hard, but I can figure it out.”

  
  


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  “Everyone's better than me.” → “Everyone learns at their own pace.”

  
  

These seemingly small changes in language can have a profound impact on a child's mindset and long-term emotional health.

Creating an Environment That Fosters Confidence

Confidence doesn't come from compliments alone. It's built through experience—especially through trying, failing, and realizing they're still okay. Caroline Goldsmith recommends creating environments that:

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  Celebrate trying: Acknowledge the bravery it takes to try something new.

  
  


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  Normalize mistakes: Share stories of your own failures and what you learned.

  
  


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  Encourage autonomy: Let children make decisions, solve problems, and take small risks.

  
  


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  Focus on strengths: Help children recognize what they're good at and how those skills can support them in hard times.

  
  

This helps children view themselves as capable, adaptable, and resilient—even when things go wrong.

When Confidence is Fragile: Recognizing Deeper Struggles

Sometimes, repeated setbacks or a harsh inner critic can signal deeper emotional challenges. Caroline encourages caregivers to be alert to signs that a child may need extra support:

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  Persistent fear of failure or perfectionism

  
  


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  Avoidance of new or challenging situations

  
  


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  Low self-esteem or negative self-talk

  
  


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  Withdrawal from peers or activities

  
  


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  Anxiety, anger, or sadness that seems disproportionate to the situation

  
  

In these cases, working with a child psychologist can help uncover the underlying beliefs and provide tailored strategies to rebuild a sense of self-worth.

What Children Need Most

At the heart of Caroline's work is one central truth: children don't need to be perfect. They need to feel seen, understood, and encouraged to try again.

“They need to know that failing doesn't make them a failure,” she says. “It makes them human—and it makes them stronger.”

Helping children build confidence after setbacks isn't about fixing everything for them. It's about walking beside them as they learn to stand, stumble, and stand again—with just a little more courage each time.